Five Minute Friday [23] - God's Plan > Mine

I'm a planner. Some more go-with-the-flow individuals may find a detailed plan too restrictive, too claustrophobic. And I can understand that, I suppose. But me? I thrive on order and knowing what to expect (I'm aware of how OCD that sounds, hah). I find just taking things as they come downright scary at times. Because those things can come at you hard and fast, blindsiding you. In other cases they practice subtlety, sneaking up on you but changing your life in their own way nonetheless.

And Change...well, Change and I have gone backwards and forwards. Sometimes I chase versions of it, thinking it's all I need. Other times, the majority of the times, I'm running from it before it even hints at coming around. Because I like to plan. And Change thinks plans are for suckers.

But no matter how many lists I write or how many plans I make, and regardless of whether I think I've successfully scheduled everything or whether I decide I'm going to go with whatever comes my way after all, the reality is that I'm not in control of what's going to happen. I can't predict how every next step is going to go, whether I'll embarrass or injure myself by falling hard or whether I'll find my legs are getting stronger and my resolve is getting hardier. I can, however, pray for the strength I need, the wisdom I need, the truths I need to be reminded of. I can bow myself in obedience to the God bigger than me, than this path and this journey, than all of everything.

And that...that sounds better than a plan.

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. / Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

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So, my five minutes of writing on a Friday turned into a bit of a longer thing, as usual...but, thoughts? What kind of person are you, the sort who is more relaxed about what's up ahead, or someone wants to figure stuff out well in advance? 

If you're the latter, I can relate, and I hope nobody every throws you a surprise party that you didn't really want, or cancels on you on the night of a big event, or changes plans you'd been prepared for to plans that involve the unexpected- and I hope that everything you cook or bake comes out perfectly, that circumstances don't cause you to run late all that often and that the outfit you planned in your head looks exactly as it should when you put it on. But also, and most importantly, I hope that you find peace and strength in the Lord  ;)

Five Minute Friday [22] - You Won't Find It There. It'll Be In His Arms

They say what hurts inside can be turned into art

They say pain paints a picture, calls out to another soul
But what about the kind of pain that wrecks your heart?
The kind that devastates, that leaves nothing left whole
And burns inside at the same time as it leaves you cold?

When you’re growing up they tell you to find your passion
They don’t always warn you of the things, the thieves of this world
That steal away your passion or your ability to imagine
Or what leaves you by yourself in a ball on your floor, body curled

Perhaps it’s in the name of protection and a feeling of safety
No one wants to tell a kid about the dreaded, about all of the scary things
You’re born without a shell but you grow one all too quickly
You still learn about those things, starting from when you have bad dreams

They say we only have this one life, so do what you want
They say that you better live for you and yourself or you’ll get stepped on
But what about forgiveness that’s pure and love that’s soft?
And what if you found when you die that Someone knows all you’ve done?

When you’re growing up you’ll hear that you can be your own god
But that will only leave you in darkness, leave you unable to heal yourself
Your Father wants to tell You how He loves you infinitely and beyond
But will you let that sink in, will you stop putting Him back on the shelf?

Perhaps it’s hard to believe, perhaps it’s unlike anything you’ve ever known
Yet no one could ever love you more than He does
Still, no one finds it easy to surrender and most think they can make it alone
You’re born and your heart hardens over the years

But He can take the pain from your shoulders,
He can remove your heart of stone
And He can make your heart a home

Will you let that sink in,
or will you just let it go?

t.h.
written: 10/07/20

Five Minute Friday [21] - Lost Or Found?

I wonder what will be waiting for me there
When I crash, when I hit the ground
Because I know I always do in the end
I find myself falling far down
There's a reason they say the cycle is named vicious
There's a reason it makes my heart sick
There's a reason why what hurts can also be precious
Pain can be narcotic if you let it
But disguises aside and all of the pretty poetry disregarded
It can rip through thick skin without you knowing
And when you think goodbye has been said and you've parted
Those tears deceitfully continue growing

So the questions remain
They buzz in my brain

Will gold spill out from the seams?
Will light have a chance to get in?
Or will it just be another gaping wound,
Something lost and not able to be found?

-t.h.

written: 05/06/20

Five Minute Friday [20] - Questions, Questions

Where can you start,

If you don’t start with the very first thing?

Where is your heart,

If you don’t find it beating, find it loving?

Why are emotions so heavy,

If they are also what in the end uplifts us?

Why are there so many needy,

When some others have more than enough?

How can one pick up all the pieces,

When shards of their broken life have blown away?

How do you cure the diseases,

That are also known as sorrow and anger and pain?

Why do we make the same mistakes twice,

But struggle to do the right thing once?

Why do we try so hard to do what is right,

But then miss it when there’s a chance?

What does my head and mind spin for,

When the answer is simple, is clear and loud?

Could it be that every hurt and scar,

Has a purpose and has a way to turn around?

What if truth is inevitable, what if the light is much stronger?

What if your tears had all been caught, had all been counted?

What if things you doubted you’d need not doubt any longer? 

What if you ran into open arms, into a love never daunted?

There’s a girl whose hurting has turned her cold, numb inside,

But there will be warmth for her soul.

There’s a boy who cries when no one can see it, late at night,

But he can be made once more whole.

What if it was just around the bend, around the corner?

What if it is calling out for you to just come a little closer?

How will you respond to a calling higher, One stronger?

Will you step into a joy deeper than deepest of waters?

I hope that you do,

I hope you live free.

I hope that for you,

And I hope it sincerely.

-t.h.

written: 22/05/20

Five Minute Friday [19] - There For You

The answer, the words, they're there

I would snatch them out of the sky if only I could reach
What will it take to fight, to care?
As the darkness advances I am searching for a breach

Your heart is heavy in my hand, your eyes are foggy
So I will tell you about all the good and the right things
Because joy will triumph and hope is the enemy of lonely
And we will not cower from what tomorrow brings

The other side of this mountain is green, it's forgiving
I would take you there if I was strong enough to carry you
But until you're able to walk, 'til you're done healing
I will lay down at your side and point out the stars to you

I know I cannot hold on for you, but I can hold onto you
These shallow breaths you're taking are each a step, a move forward
Every second endured and every second won is a breakthrough
So until the way appears clear, until the lines are no longer blurred

I will be there for you

-t.h.

written: 15/05/20

Five Minute Friday [18] - A Child Again

To be like a child is to find joy in simple things. It's to believe without doubting. It's to trust without faltering. It's to feel free, to run full of energy, to jump the highest you can, to learn all that you can. It's being curious, laughing easily, sleeping deeply. It's being full of wonder, chasing butterflies, making mud pies without fear of getting dirty.

When I am in the presence of the King of kings is when I feel this way again. When I am reminded that I don't have to worry, I don't have to be anxious, I don't have to stress. I am His child, His daughter. He takes care of me, I don't have to rely on myself or anyone else to do that. I can leap and know He will catch me in His arms. I can pray sincerely and know He'll hear me. I can follow after Him, reaching for His hand, asking Him where we're going next.

To be His child is joy. 

It is feeling safe.

It is knowing true love.

I am grateful to be His child.

Five Minute Friday [17] - I Lift My Eyes To The Mountains

On a misty morning the other day, I woke up to this view outside my window. Waterfall clouds blanketing dark, brooding mountains and the milky, pastel sky acting as a backdrop. No two dawns are the same, and with each one I'm left in an even more stunned awe of the One behind it all.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. / Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)

I am wowed by His goodness, by His majesty, by what He is capable of.

Just, wow.

Five Minute Friday [16] - This Hope

I could never imagine how cruel the pain or the curse
I have no excuse for how I only stood by and watched
You’ve seen me at my ficklest and seen me at my worst
And still my sin and burden was by Your hand dislodged
How can I be so lost in my mind sometimes?
How do I miss so often what You offered then and offer daily?
How could I ever have returned to guilt and lies?
How can I not stand and say now that You can take all of me?
Hope is light surrounding me even on a dark day
Hope is knowing the truth and knowing true life
Hope is the sound of You calling out my name
Hope cannot be removed when it lives deep inside
This hope is a gift and it’s a lifeline
This hope is eternal and it’s bright
This hope is yours and it’s mine
This hope is going to set us alight

This hope is bright

-t.h.

written: 10/04/20

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But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. / Isaiah 53:5, NKJV

For we were saved in this hope. / Romans 8:24, NKJV

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I pray that wherever and whoever you are, that you and your loved ones are kept safe today and over the weekend, and I pray that you have hope. May His light find you and shine upon you during this trying time and always.

Five Minute Friday [15] - A Thousand Summers

Seasons, they fall away from us and into one another

The summer sun relents to autumn's fiery display of colour

But it happens gently, as if they mourn each other

It's in how spring always seems hesitant to bloom away winter

This life is full of moments I don't want to let go of

And some that I thought would never ever come

The things we've yet to lose and the things we've lost

The growing pains of it all nearly renders me undone

But seasons, they arrive and take their leave 

and each carry with them a purpose

And the place we're in now, it can surely teach us

So like the leaves that fall, let this be thought reckless

But my heart will lie still in the cold, 

warmed by the thought of a thousand summers

-t.h.

written: 03/04/20

Five Minute Friday [14] - Qurantine Writings

Lately, whenever I write, even if I don't plan it or mean to, all that seems to come out is "Jesus stuff". So, yeah. He's got a hold on me. And I'm just so glad that He won't ever let go.

Fear. Humans are so susceptible to it.
Danger. Everyone wants to keep their loved ones from it.
Death. There are so many questions about it.
Darkness. Many feel trapped by it.

Truth? Jesus.
Way? Jesus.
Life? Jesus.
Light? Jesus.

Earlier today, as I sat outside and wrote, the Autumn sun felt wonderful as it fell across my face and body. Thank goodness for the beautiful weather that is making quarantine a bit less daunting.

At first, I started with a blank page. Then, I scribbled down thoughts and bits and pieces in messy handwriting, filling up the page until it looked like chaos. Fitting.

I didn't know where the words were going. But in the end, the last word was Jesus.

Jesus. End and beginning. Infinite. Again and again. Alpha and Omega.

Our president said this week: "This too shall pass. We shall overcome. We are South Africans." And maybe words like that will give some people temporary peace. But for me, the only true peace I've ever known is found in Jesus. The true Overcomer.

See what I mean?

The answer. The place where I rest. The One I call out to.

Jesus.

Five Minute Friday [13] - Puddles and Other Things

This time around I am just writing (perfectly honestly) whatever crosses my mind. I'm not sure I have the mental energy to try and "craft" anything, so welcome across the threshold and into my thoughts.

The week I've had has been full of challenges, both emotionally stressful ones and then just practical ones. Our bathroom basin started leaking all over the floor and one evening (when I hadn't realized yet that it was leaking) I bounded into the bathroom to energetically brush my teeth and I slid. Just...sliiiddd...into the unwelcoming (and quite hard) object that was our bath, which caused me to nearly tip forward into the cold, ceramic tub. I love the word ceramic, although I'm not quite sure why. But anyways, back to the sliding. So, I was sliding (yeah, I know I've mentioned that already) and in that moment I was all of sudden reminded of how for an entire year (I think it was maybe 2016) I was obsessed with the aesthetics of the art of professional ice skating. Sure, sliding (there's that word again- not quite as nice as ceramic, is it?) isn't ice skating, but that feeling of gliding through the air could maybe be compared to what one might feel as they dash across frozen water. In my opinion, ice skating is one of the most graceful looking sports.

BUT. Where am I sliding going with this? Well, I can't say I'm 100% sure if I can articulate it as it deserves to be articulated, but while I was merely sliding through a puddle, for a second, my mind imagined skating with skill across icy ground, the feeling of almost being in flight coursing through me. It was like being transported to a perfect alternative to what was actually happening.

I'd love it if I could slide through one of life's messy puddles and instead feel as if I was skating across it, tastefully dressed in something that shimmered ever so slightly, my face expressing serene concentration and confidence, my heart soaring with my body.

But no. Every puddle seems to land me on my behind or (as my example details above) into a bathtub, where I sit for a few moments, a tad dumbfounded, slightly insulted, and a bit bruised.

Yet, a peaceful feeling seems to come to me when I think of that. I know I can't ice skate beautifully (aeons and aeons away from it, in fact) and I know that I can't launch myself into the air and fly across the liquid, consolidated mess of my anxieties, fear, pain or doubt. I can't pull off really difficult seasons in this life as if they're nothing. I can't act like "I meant to do that" or "I've got things covered", because no, I don't.

But JESUS DOES.

And I can sit there on the ground, and point to Him. I can say, hey, He's my Saviour and yeah, I've slid through some puddles, I've fallen down, but guess Who picked me up? HIM. And He'll do it again. He'll be there for me. He knows I can't skate. But there is a great satisfaction in saying that there's nothing HE cannot do, and that I can have FULL trust in that. He gives me peace, no matter what covers or tries to block the path I'm walking upon.

So, yeah, I may land on the ground once in awhile. But I won't be there long. Because He will lift me up.

*This might have taken twenty minutes instead of five ;)

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The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. / Psalm 145:14, NKJV

Five Minute Friday [12] - You Will Be Filled

Go back to the mountains and the sea

The view that you watched as a younger you

And tell me how you can still see Me

In the painted sun or in how the clouds move

Be still as you feel the golden day breathe its last

I am the same now and always, I'm the same when each and every new day comes

I can use what is ahead and I can use your past

Just watch as I move things bigger than the fear to which you on your own succumb

I know the colours are fading now, but Who put them in the sky anyway?

I know your heart sorrows, but Who is the One Who makes joyful?

Turn to the God who first showed you love and sing your praise

I know you're empty but if you drink from Me you will be filled

-t.h.

written: 06/03/20

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Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! / Psalm 46:10, NKJV

That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. / Ephesians 3:16-19, NKJV

For You have made him most blessed forever; You have made him exceedingly glad with Your presence. / Psalm 21:6, NKJV

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A/N: So. Yup. Missed another scheduled post. But that's okay. 

Today, I'm nineteen. Nineteen and finding strength in every single one of the Lord's promises. Nineteen and praying that my faith never falters, but that it grows. Nineteen and remembering and looking at all He has done for me. I don't want to forget. I want to revel in it.

Because, I am not empty. I am filled.

Five Minute Friday [11] - No More Wrong

I find it too hard to think of a world without you

I want to be your shadow, there for all you do

There's evil in this life and I know it scars you

But we've been given love for us to hold onto

I want to bandage wounds and bruises and fix broken bones

But I know what's wrong is far more than any physical blows

Maybe my mind and hands want to do all they really know

To hold all the broken pieces together, not letting them go

Sometimes I wake up and it feels like the sun is a little stronger

But when I read the papers I only feel this place growing colder

And we are young, but doesn't that make you feel much older?

I plead and I pray that the light and the love will grow bolder

But I love the language of your heart, the sound of your song

There might be bad here, but I know that the good is strong

I dream of a place that I have maybe known all along

I'm waiting for that place where there is no more wrong

-t.h.

written: 21/02/20

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A/N: Okay, so I might have missed another Friday post...oops. Oh well. Life is more than interesting and things normally don't go as expected.

Five Minute Friday [10] - Deep Breaths

The busier one gets, the harder breathing gets. Your thoughts get all jumbled up, like a tower of jenga blocks that was knocked over whereas before it was neatly stacked and in order. You struggle to sleep without dreaming about stressful things, you struggle to take time to enjoy small and simple things, like the way the garden smells after it's just rained. You feel like you're in a cartoon sometimes, you being the character whose legs are spinning until they blur as you run to keep up with everything you need to keep up with.

But. Just. Stop a second.

See those clouds in the blue sky? What shape are they, if you're using your imagination properly? And when last did you give a real, tight hug to somebody you love? Go for a walk, take a cold shower if it's hot or a hot shower if it's cold. Write in your journal. Wake up early enough to hear the birds singing as you read your Bible to prepare yourself for the day ahead. Sing when you're washing dishes. Sit on a swing bench once in a while. Read a good novel. Play with a toddler if you're able to. Smile freely. Listen patiently to others when they have stories to tell you, show them love.

Yes, you're busy. But sometimes...slowing down is good for you. Take those next steps. but don't forget to take those deep breaths.

(Another five minute piece that might seem personal, because, well...it is. But, if you're also struggling with the fast paced flow of this life, I can testify that these small ideas or other similar actions that one can take really do help)

What do you do to calm down when you find yourself feeling swamped by everything going on?

Five Minute Friday [9] - His Yoke is Easy, His Burden is Light

Hand it over to the Lord. Those things you’re stressing about, those failures you feel weighing down on you, all the things you still need to tick off your list, the decisions you have to make- just give it all to Him. You may think you need to handle it alone, but don’t you know that you wouldn’t even be able to handle it alone? Stop relying on the lack of your might and turn to the strength of His. Don’t let yourself sit around feeling helpless and hopeless when your only Hope is offering help to you. Don’t let yourself think on all the terribleness of this world, but rather Him who does not desire that any should perish. Don’t let bitterness, doubt or un-forgiveness trickle in. Stand on the Rock, seek nearness to Him and allow Him to steady you.

(A note from myself to me. And to you, if you like.)

Five Minute Friday [8] - Bowing Low

I stand here in awe, over and over again

The strength of Your hand, the sound of Your name

You have once again saved me from sin and saved me from shame

And I will praise You, healer of souls and healer of pain

You feed with more than bread and breathe life into dry bones

You're the only strong safe hold and the only true home

You are the one I want to praise and to make known

For You have never let me down or left me on my own

You did what I doubted and proved my fickle mind wrong

How was I so blind to see the work You were doing all along?

You humble the proud and You make the weak strong

I will bow low with my knees and proclaim with a song:

You are my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in You

Change me, revive me till I bring You glory in all I do

-t.h.
written: 17/01/20

December Days | 2019

So here we are, on the first day of 2020. Wow, 2019 must have come and gone while I wasn't looking. It feels like last year's Christmas season was only a month ago- I'm continually marvelling at how time seems to pick up speed the older I get. But I am also learning more and more that there's no end to God's grace, love and provision, no matter what dark or scary place one might find themself in. He's the only light and the only hope, and throughout this year, I've been having full on prayer conversations with Him, asking Him why some things have been happening the way they have, telling Him I'm confused, breaking down in His presence, falling apart and then being picked up again by Him, being held by Him. I guess you could say I've been clinging to Him.

I will continue to cling to Him for this year and all years to come. And going into 2020, some of my heart's biggest desires are that He will teach me to be more grateful, more loving, and always prayerful.

But, getting back to the reason for this post- since I missed Five Minute Friday, I decided to compensate with something a little different. Below is a collection of snapshots/snap sentences of December goings-on. It's been a (long) while since I've done a month recap post, but here it is. I hope you enjoy it :)

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this month, I've been...

+ celebrating the gift of Jesus Christ, our Savior, coming to this world

(one of my Insta stories during the week of Christmas)

+ doing loads of Christmas gift shopping (I absolutely love gift shopping! And the best part is that I have so many different people to shop for)

+ loving the warmer weather and the blue skies (Southern Hemisphere Christmas vibes)

+ having Christmas lunch with an abundance of friends and family (what a blessing!)

+ finally getting a new photo with all fourteen members of my family!

+ dressing up all vintagey for our themed end-of-year church function

+ celebrating my Nana's 70th and taking loads of photos while I was at it (how beautiful is she?)

(My Oupa giving his speech)

(They're the sweetest)

+ celebrating three of my brothers' birthdays :)

(Reilly, who is on the left, turned 11 on the 18th of December, and Levi turned 8 on the 14th of December)

(Jacob, on the left, turned 26 on the 8th of December. In this photo he is holding Benjamin, the youngest in our family, and sitting next to his girlfriend, Mamo. The three of them make for a gorgeous photo!)

+ swimming again for the first time in ages

+ going to the beach and on random walks

+ being extremely grateful for the absolute privelege of being able to purchase and enjoy my first camera (Canon 80D)

(Aaaahhh! You guys, this was/is my dream camera. Every day I wake up and I am still excited about it)

+ taking lots of photos of and with my beautiful family (you could probably already tell)

(More pics of the lovable youngest. He'll be a year on the fourteenth of February, 2020. Pure adorable)

+ being blown away by my chef sister's talent and creativity

(Cookies pizzas! You can't tell by the size of these pictures, but they were the sizes of actual pizzas)

(These two cakes were such hits! And the talent and patience that went into them is admirable)

+ feeling so thankful for my best friend and all the good things he adds to my life ♥

+ creating a fun, summery citrus pop art pattern for a challenge run by a company I work with

+ relying. On. The. Lord.

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And...that's it. I had hoped to post this post yesterday already- since I had already written it and uploaded most of the photos, but oh well, it turned out to be my starter post for 2020. Let's do this year. I'm praying I'll keep up with the blogging, no matter the obstacles ahead.

But how about you? What was your December like? What are your hopes for 2020, and do you reckon you'll be writing dates down wrong for a long time still, or is that just me?