is my life supposed to look like this?

"Inhale the future, exhale the past." // 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

I get caught up in the chaos. As if having a mind that has too many tabs open, all the time, isn't enough, other obstacles that I didn't see coming or ask for come my way. They ruin my schedules, they ruin my carefully thought out plans, they turn my emotional state into a hurricane of panic and exasperation and resentment, which causes me to comfort eat.

Before I go on, let me make a quick point here: I already eat too much. Minus the comfort eating.

It comes to the end of one of those confounded days that have been hit by an unexpected bomb of disorder, and I find myself wondering, is life supposed to look or feel or be this messed up?

And then comes that small, inferior voice in the back of my mind, whispering, yes, if you allow it to.

Because, I guess, a small part of me knows the truth.

I can leave it all alone and go to bed. I can give thanks for what I do have and what did go well, and I can forget about what didn't. It's a choice. I can choose not to dwell on the last 24 hours that didn't go the way I wanted them to. There will be more days to live through, and there have been plenty I've already lived through. And honestly? All in all? The good outweighs the bad.

As for the negativity that I thought was clinging to me instead of the other way around, I can just stop carrying it around with me. I can let go, let it fall, and walk away, without waiting to hear the thud of it hitting the ground. Tomorrow is always a fresh day. A day in which no mistakes have yet been made, in which there are new possibilities and an opportunity to have a grateful, uplifting outlook, and to just try again.

We all have that choice.