Wednesday Words [5] - Words Never Said

I'm sorry for all the words I didn't say, they sit beneath my tongue day by day

a tumble of syllables never voiced, things that should have been said

isn't it strange how easy it is to look back, when it's never clear up ahead

I think it's sad how regret is only an afterthought, opening my mind to my mistakes

but my mouth is glued shut and time peels away from me like paint, flake by flake

I'm sorry, sorry for all the words I didn't say

I was wading through thoughts that were so deep and so thick

and I whisper those words when no one is around

but when I have the chance to speak my mouth turns to brick

I don't know when we last talked and I don't know when we will next

but you dance in the caverns of my conscience and I can't get you out of my head

and if I'm being honest, even when I feel that my mind is at its best

I fear oblivion of a needed realization, I fear the words will never ever be said

still I'm sorry, sorry for all the words I didn't say
and somehow with ease they always come when I put pen to page
but I guess that's me and has always been my way
I can write with my eyes closed but can't get my mouth to engage

but sometimes ink scrawls or typed out letters aren't enough

and if I was mute you might understand this and it would be okay
but you've heard me sing, seen me sob, made me laugh
and there's no excuse, for there are things one owes the other to say

so that's why I'm sorry for those words never said

I should have told you, I should have explained, I should have apologized

I wanted to tell you so many times that I still cared
but I let it fall through, I left you in the rain, and by not saying something I lied

now I stand here and if your walls are up, I'm not surprised
just please hear me from where I am, hear me give all I can:
I want to tell you that if there are things you surmised

the truth is that I am sorry, I truly and openly am

and I know now that we're no longer friends, no longer allies

you may not want to remember all that you can
but I hold the memories in my hand and I see them in your eyes

and I carry you with me 'cause you're part of who I am

so for those unsaid words

and for all those hurts

hear me

I'm sorry.

-t.h.

written: 22/09/2018

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A/N: This is something I wrote awhile ago, as you can see by the date. But I picked it out from my blog archives and dusted it off to share with you, because even though the state of my mind and my writing style has changed even in just the breadth of one year, this piece of writing still consists of feelings I felt at certain points in time. My plan is to continue (as consistently as I can manage) with the Monday Musings and Wednesday Words series here on my blog as part of my weekly routine- so let's see how that goes, shall we? 

By the way, constructive criticism and/or feedback is very appreciated :) I hope you have a blessed day and that more often than not, you manage to say the things that need being said.