golden warmth

___

shimmering light streams through the windows
beautiful yellow it flows as it comes and goes
golden warmth that fills the room until it glows
while illuminating my skin and casting shadows

___

I love light. And I hate darkness. My brothers and sisters tease me about being afraid of the dark, but that isn't it. I just hate how it feels, as if it's physical, as if it's wrapping around me like a blanket and suffocating me...I guess it's along the lines of claustrophobia. Though, phobia is anxiety disorder, and a synonym for anxiety is angst, and a synonym for angst is fear, so...um, yes. That brings us back to fear.
Alright, so I'm a little afraid of the dark.

But every morning, the sunrise filters through my bedroom blinds (if they're open, and if the weather is sunny) and falls onto my bed, onto the bookshelf, onto the desk and onto the carpet, making everything bright. And our Siamese cat sunbathes, stretched out lazily on the floor, purring her heart out.
It's lovely.

June days

I think that I've only just grasped the full realization that it is now June. 

Months pass, and while you live within them, you know the whole time that they are passing, and yet, before you know it, they are gone. Sometimes, when I try to catch up with the month, it brings back memories of me as a little kid, trying to catch butterflies. Following a butterfly as it flitted through the air and clamping my hands around it gently when it landed on a flower. Then I'd open my hands only to find that, somehow, the butterfly had flown away before I had even closed my hands. Just like that. In the blink of an eye.

I think I must have blinked. And just like that, it's June the 24th, 2015.

---

lately...

+ drawing a black & white self portrait with charcoal

+ buying my first choker (I've wanted one for long. And I love it)

+ dancing in the rain (Okay, that's not entirely truthful. Does dancing inside the house while it pours outside count?)

+ enjoying having enough time to post more currently

+ sorting out a much needed exercise routine for the near future (Ugh.)

+ really looking forward to the holidays (Also in the near future)

+ hot chocolate and marshmallows (Because what would winter be without them?)

+ trooping around the garden in slippers with my Canon to get a few nature shots

+ loving succulents

+ listening to See You Again by Wiz Khalifa (ft. Charlie Puth)

+ receiving my new DNA headphones in the mail

+ writing loads of poetry (You guys aren't tired of it, are you?)

+ bundling up in warm clothes and using snoods almost everyday (Winter is in full swing)

+ planning on watching Insurgent at the theater soon with some friends (To those who have already watched it, was it good?)

+ finishing a book series by Jenny Han (The Summer I Turned Pretty)

+ drinking cranberry tea, all the time (New fave)

knives and blades

struggle through the day,

chasing peace of mind,

bleeding, cut with knives and blades.

but then

the promise of hallelujah came,

his gift to me

he took me to the ocean blue

my hair in the wild wind,

the sky was tinted pink

like roses in the spring

he showed me where the beauty hid,

taught me how to breathe again,

healed my broken ribs,

washed away the tears with rain.

and somehow I found,

the strength within, 

to hold onto to this world,

when I felt like a petal, fragile

about to fall

lost without you

I used to follow,

follow the footprints you left behind,

I use to step into them,

my feet sinking into the soft ground,

my eyes never losing sight of you,

always following

you

I used to train my heartbeat to match yours,

my pulse racing faster 

and my heart beating harder,

just to keep up with you

I used to dance,

moving my body to the music you made,

twirling until the night stars would fade

into dawn

dancing 

until I was out of breath

for you

now that you're gone,

I have no rhythm to dance to,

I have no footprints to trace.

and my heart,

I think,

I think my heart

has stopped beating,

altogether.

Because, you see,

I'm lost without you,

and 

I'm running out of time

to find myself again.

Where did you go?