Sometimes, I beat myself down. And I can't stop, until I'm flattened.
I know there are people out there that do the same. People that can relate.
I know I'm not the only one who's spent so long attempting to be someone else. (-Mary Lambert)
Sometimes, I'm so unsatisfied with myself, with my very being, with everything I am. I despise words I've said, things I've done, how I look. And I resolve to watch other people, to reflect their actions, to try and become more like them.
I'll tell myself, if only I could be prettier, like her, if only I had more followers on Instagram, like her, if only I could be perfect, like her- maybe then I'd be good enough.
I try to fix myself, to change myself. To shape shift into someone else. I try to blend myself into another person's image, into a different identity.
But why would I do that? Why do I do that? Why do I spend time wrecking who I am, when I should be building on the good things about myself? Instead of adding to what's already there, training myself to be someone that can be relied on, trusted, loved.
There's more to being beautiful than what you see in the mirror. Beauty is deeper than that.
And you don't have to be pretty like her. You can be pretty like you.
You have your own characteristics. You have your own qualities. You are your own person. And you are worth more than rubies.
Please don't try and trade yourself in for a stranger. Don't throw yourself away.
You are valuable.
I know I'm not the only one who's spent so long attempting to be someone else. (-Mary Lambert)
Sometimes, I'm so unsatisfied with myself, with my very being, with everything I am. I despise words I've said, things I've done, how I look. And I resolve to watch other people, to reflect their actions, to try and become more like them.
I'll tell myself, if only I could be prettier, like her, if only I had more followers on Instagram, like her, if only I could be perfect, like her- maybe then I'd be good enough.
I try to fix myself, to change myself. To shape shift into someone else. I try to blend myself into another person's image, into a different identity.
But why would I do that? Why do I do that? Why do I spend time wrecking who I am, when I should be building on the good things about myself? Instead of adding to what's already there, training myself to be someone that can be relied on, trusted, loved.
There's more to being beautiful than what you see in the mirror. Beauty is deeper than that.
And you don't have to be pretty like her. You can be pretty like you.
You have your own characteristics. You have your own qualities. You are your own person. And you are worth more than rubies.
Please don't try and trade yourself in for a stranger. Don't throw yourself away.
You are valuable.
Tane, you've made the first post ever to make me cry. Thank you for this, this has been a problem I've struggled with since I was a little kid. As I've probably said before, it's getting to the point in which it is a subconscious mannerism to look away from, or avoid mirrors, and I will cry upon occasion when glancing at pictures of myself.
ReplyDeleteJust this morning I was watching videos of other girls thinking, why didn't God make me like them. What would I have to do, to look like them? You know, and then you post this.
He is speaking through you, dear, Tane. <3
Jordan Sky. I am honored...everything you've just said...I appreciate it so much.
DeleteAnd you know what? I also cry when I see pictures of myself. Sometimes.
But, you're so precious, and so beautiful. Don't think like that. ♥ Thank you so much for your comment.
This is lovely. I know for a fact that I'm always looking at people I know, wishing I could be a little more like them, changing myself day by day. I'm not sure if that's bad though because what if I'm improving myself based on what I admire in other people. But then you say I should just be me and I'm valuable, and sure I might be but what if I don't know what me is like anymore?
ReplyDelete-M
The Life of Little Me
Improving ourselves, I believe that is always a good thing to do, yes. Basing it on what you admire in other people, also good. But believing you could never be like that, believing that you're lower and more worthless than that- that is not good. We set our goals, and on our way to reaching them, we can sometimes get depressed and think that we'll never get there. And we sometimes think that everything about that 'other person' is better.
DeleteJust don't lose yourself in the midst of it all.
YOU are valuable. <3
ReplyDeleteAnd so are you, Holly. <3
Deletethank you for this post, Tane <3 It was much needed. Plus that photo is simply gorgeous =)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Autumn. x
DeleteI needed this reminder. I tend to get so caught up in trying to be better, thinner, prettier, good enough. Thanks for this valuable reminder:) -Bethany!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you there. We can get so caught up in this world, and make our hearts bleed with bad thoughts about ourselves.
DeleteI'm so glad that you enjoyed this post.
This is one of the most beautiful thing I've read, and I can totally relate! I'm so happy I'm not the only one.
ReplyDeleteAlways be you. <3
xx Mackenzie
To you, too, don't forget to be absolutely...you.
DeleteThank you, Mackenzie. X
"Always be a first-rate copy of yourself, instead of a second-rate copy of someone else." —Judy Garland. That's another great quote. Thank you for your honesty in this post, I could relate to this a lot. :)
ReplyDeleteThat quote though.
DeleteIt's a pleasure- thank you for taking time to comment.
Gosh, my thoughts exactly, Tane. There are four people in my life who I have always felt overshadowed by in school for about two years now, going on to my third, but I have known they long before that time period and long before those four people knew the other three in this "group" even existed, and yes, these are the four people who were my inspiration for Melody's siblings in Watch. It's sad and it's hard, but we have to try to not beat up ourselves.
ReplyDeleteLet's get through this all united.
xoxo Morning
There are plenty people in my life, Morning, that make me feel like a nothing. Not by bullying or being mean. Just by being so...perfect.
DeleteBut yes, let's.
Oh, dearest Tane! You are not alone - I have felt this way many times before as well and it is so important that we push through! Jesus loves You for You and Me for Me - we don't have to be anyone else in order to be beautiful or worthy of His love...
ReplyDeleteStay strong in Him who is perfect! And may your way be blessed!
Hugs and much love always, sweet friend!
Kelly-Anne
Hello, beautiful Kelly.
DeleteStay strong in Him as well. You are lovely and I always appreciate your comments.
This reminds me of a book I read a while ago, Forest Born. It was about this girl who was so afraid of being herself that she copies the people around her so much that she nearly forgot who she was. But at the end of the book she realised what you've just said.
ReplyDeleteI'm copying this so that I can read it again easily!
I want to read that now. ;)
DeleteAwh- Sophie, I really appreciate that, girl.
Tane, this is sooo beautiful! <3 You can be pretty like you. Those words just keeps echoing. Thank you for this. :)
ReplyDeleteCindyyy♥♥ It's my pleasure, but thank YOU for your comment. xxx
DeleteOh Tane, this is such a beautiful reminder. Today during Church I was actually thinking about this: how over and over again I try to change myself to fit the standards of other people. I want to be pretty "enough", good enough and have an attractive laugh, a person that everyone loves.
ReplyDeleteHow quickly I forget that being myself is better, and that having quirks is better than being the same exact thing as everybody else.
Being someone you aren't gets old after awhile too, and it can be so hard to be someone you aren't!
And it's so true, and I'm so glad that we aren't the only ones!
I know, I know. I can find issues with anything about myself. (and yes, my laugh...) But, I want us to try and let ourselves BE. Just, be.
DeleteThank you, Lauren!
Thank you so much for helping me realize that I don't have to be perfect. Nobody does. Tears came to my eyes as I read this. You have such a way with words and you can form them into such beautiful things that truly warm a person's heart.
ReplyDeleteAliah
Aliah, now you caused my eyes to tear. Thank you so much.
DeleteOh, Tane, you are beautiful. So, so beautiful. <3
ReplyDeleteOh, Rebekah, look, look who is talking. <3 Listen, your comment made me...so, so happy. And I feel a bit restored. Lately, life has been rough. And your one sentence note really helped, gorgeous.
DeleteI think this is the most beautiful post I have ever read. And it touches way deeply hidden corners of my heart. I feel so un-beautiful sometimes.. and then people like you happen by. You are so beautiful<3 And your soul is the epitome of loveliness.
ReplyDeleteI think that I am overwhelmed with the joy your words have provided me with. Thank you so so so much, I cannot say that enough, but I want you to know, I am thankful. X
DeleteTane darling, you are so real and you think very deeply. I think this is a very important post. And guess what, even at my age (which I won't publish here) I still have these struggles!!! I think that there is an enemy who wants us to waste our energy trying to be what God made us to be, and so celebrate the lovely young lady you are, made with deep love and care by your Creator, and I will do the same! You are fearfully and wonderfully made and so I remind myself, am I. I love you very much.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Nana. So much. Your comment was so lovely, and it made me so happy...I love you too. xxx
DeleteSo many truths in there Tane... Thank you for your honesty and opening up like that. It is inspiring. That is such a relate-able thing though. May God continue to show you how He sees you.. Cherished, loved, precious, beautiful. You are so gorgeous from within and out!
ReplyDeleteAppreciate you!
We're daughters of the King, Ann, and I want all of my sisters in Christ to know that. And to know that we cannot tell ourselves we're dirt, because He has called us precious and beautiful. How can we contradict the creator of the universe?
DeleteAnd Annesti, thank you so so much. What you've said means a lot. ♥